All Comments on 'Hottest Thursday in July'

Nice start for a really good developing story.I can see the potential.5 stars for you keep up the good work.Maybe there is an aunt or a mature neighbour joining them who knows?

Keep writing. First story is a good start.

I can see what you are working toward. Could be better thru practice at writing more descriptive scenes. I marked this as an average story.

The characters need to progress and change thru interacting together and coming to a mutual understanding of need. The other option is a non-consenting character being overcome by their tormentor.

To me it reads like an incident report and not the telling of a sexy idea.

Thanks for sharing.

Keep writing. Would live to see where this story goes.

This story was for the Summer Lovin Contest. Please vote. Thank you to those who enjoyed it.

Quick reads are always the best! It was just the right length, and full of fun action ... I enjoyed it very much, and stroked to it the entire time! Please write another one ...

Sounds like Laura had an inkling as to what was going to happen. Great,hot story. Maybe a hot GILF or mature teacher or neighbor could join,and then expand from there. Would love to see the illustrated version!

A little short but quite hot

Loved it,,, more to cum I hope

To me this was just a series of sentences.

Nothing much connecting them.

As if they were summaries of paragraphs, one after another.

You need to link things better to make them flow; to make it smoother; to help the reader understand the atmosphere; to help us feel the tension and enjoy the action - because otherwise it just doesn't do anything.

Surely many a dream that countless young men have had only to be put down and shared on paper by Jack .

I give it a one for effort, not much story there...

When they get home he needs to put his cock in mom and fuck her bareback

Really, is that the best you can do? My imagination can't stretch that far.........

Whenever you wrote Onsie I had a laugh thinking she wore one of those cute bunny outfits that cover head to toe.

Underwhelming at best. Little creativity or build-up.