All Comments on 'Mervin the Magnificent'

Good start but dont have him control Husban.

he was telling him how to control her silly ass!!!!! anyway wonderful story. the frigid bitch got exactly what she deserved.

See this is the kind of story i like to read,she deserved this and proboraly needed this i just loved it thank you

This sort of thing is right up my alley interest wise. Unfortunately I felt like it left out quite a lot. I would have liked to see a slower seduction of her mind, with a better description of how she felt along the way. That could have been done by switching to her perspective and describing how she felt, or by including dialogue between them to show her slowly falling under his power. I would have also liked to see some light humiliation or signs of mental struggle during the sex. Alternatively, just switching to her POV during the sex would have worked. Some part of her may have been conscious but unable to control her body. Simply noting things like 'I can't move,' 'we are having sex on a stage,' 'why does this feel good?' 'OMG what is he whispering to my husband??' Statements like that would help draw the reader into the woman's situation and better describe the scene.

As the story stands, it feels like a checklist. "You are in my power! Okay, blowjob, vagina, ass, we're done. Everyone can leave now." The encounter feels brief enough that I'm not sure how much it would satisfy as a show. (I'm also curious to know what the response of the women who were brought in as potential victims was. It wouldn't be hard to see what was done to the woman on stage and clue in to why your husband was so insistent that you come see the show.)

I love the concept. If you write up a similar story in the future (or posted a revision of this one) I'd really enjoy reading it. I think you were trying to keep to a low word count here. A longer scene may have addressed many of the issues I've brought up.