Slim Voyager

"He's still moonstruck over you. He's right here; do you want to speak to him?"

"Okay. Hi Craig."

"Sandy? How are you?"

"I'm okay Craig. Are you and Donnie getting along okay? I'm sure it's not always easy having a queer roommate."

"No, it's not, but we are friends even if he is a fag (laughing)."

Donnie shouts in the background, "I heard that!"

I struggled to act normally at work Tuesday. Liz inquired as to how things are going with Nat. I couldn't tell her and I avoided meeting her look. "It's fine," I said.

I called Nat that afternoon. He was his usual cool self. He asked quietly, "Can you come over this evening."

"May I?"

"Of course."

That evening at his apartment I seemed unable to speak to him unless he spoke first. The intensity of the experience on Sunday morning had shattered me. I wanted him to tell me what to do. It was like I had no confidence in myself left. I wanted him to direct everything. He seemed not to mind. When he sat on the couch I crouched on the floor at his feet. I knelt between his legs and sucked his dick until I'd drained him and swallowed his sperm. We had some drinks after the oral sex and I relaxed. He asked me to undress and I did. He fucked me doggy style on the carpet. I got in bed with him to go to sleep and realized that I had achieved the submission I had been seeking. It was a strange sensation to have surrendered yourself so thoroughly that your ability to think for yourself is compromised. The stroke of that paddle had changed my life I thought to myself. I felt so distant from the person I was a short time before, from the girl who went down on Tom at the beach house last summer.

In the morning Nat made me eggs again. As I sat down to eat he came over to me and told me to take his dick out of his pants. I gripped it in my hand and began sucking on him unsure what he wanted. I jacked him off for a while to get him going and then sucked some more. "I want to cum on your eggs," he told me. There was no suggestion that my assent was necessary. I worked my mouth on him until I could taste him beginning to cum. I jacked him now and aimed his cock at my plate until he spurted two long thick strands of jism on my eggs. I milked a final glob from him onto my plate. I resumed eating my breakfast making sure each forkful had plenty of his sperm on it and getting his nodding approval to each bite. It was supremely humiliating. I almost achieved an orgasm as I ate.

"Thank you Nat," I told him when I finished. I couldn't seem to debase myself enough for him.

"Now Sandy, it's time to feel the bite of the paddle."

"Yes, Nat." I went to the bedroom and retrieved it reverently. I brought it to him and knelt. "How do you want me?"

"Nude, your ass in the air."

I stripped off my clothing and assumed the position on the carpet in the living room. I was trembling in fear and anxiety over the inevitable physical anguish that was coming.

"The pain is my gift to you Sandy. Let it burn into your soul. Learn to savor it."

"Yes Nat."

Pow! Again an atomic blast of searing white hot pain shot through me like a rocket and captivated me in whimpering fear and utter humiliation. I scurried to the corner like a cockroach when the lights are turned on and cringed there in my weepy, sniveling, naked degradation. "Beautiful," he said watching me intently. "You are beautiful Sandy."

Later that morning I told him, "Nat, I don't think I can work at the restaurant anymore."

"Why not?"

"I don't feel able; I don't want to ….be anything more than your sub. I feel uncomfortable around the others – like I've done something terribly wrong."

"They don't know what you've done Sandy and you haven't done anything wrong. You've made me happy and I hope have made yourself happy. You need to work to live Sandy. I don't think you should quit. You can learn to …compartmentalize things - to be the person you need to be at work and the person you are when you're with me. Let your submission be our secret world; our intimate form of bliss."

"I can't seem to think anymore. It's like it's all up to you."

"That's the way it is between us Sandy, but the rest of the world – you need to be able to deal with them like you are capable. Don't let your submission to me be a submission to everyone. I want it to be special and to only be to me. Okay? You understand?"

"Yes, I think so Nat. That makes sense but it's not easy. The effect of submission to you is devastating baby. It's like I'm giving up my soul – willingly; but I'm not sure there's much left to be 'normal' with in everyday life."

"I'm the one your submissive to, you can still be a tiger to everyone else, right?'

I smiled at him. "Thanks Nat, that helps. I'll try. Grrr!" We both laughed.

That afternoon I noticed flocks of warblers in the trees around my apartment. Warblers move through San Antonio for just a few days in the spring. Their presence always cheered me up. Most people didn't notice them but the annual fly-through was something I looked forward to. All the little, chirpy birds in an ancient exercise of their species were exhilarating. It made me feel like the world was not yet totally depleted. This spring, particularly given the dark places I had been wandering in my soul, their song and busy flight lifted my spirits and compelled me to happily recognize the beauty and joy of the natural world.

My relationship with Nat became more manageable for me psychologically as it matured. He paddled me about once a week, always just one stroke of the grim hole-studded paddle – always a searing and intense experience but I slowly came to enjoy the burning pain as it spread from my butt throughout my body and then seemingly resonated in my nipples and made them harden to fervid points of desire. The sex after he would hit me with the paddle was incredible – explosive, transcendent orgasms in an atmosphere of rich intimacy. There was no hiding from him emotionally when he applied the unholy paddle to my ass – it bared my sniveling soul for him to play with. But, when we were apart or in the company of others, I began to achieve the compartmentalization he referred to. Liz told me I was acting more normal. I began to laugh at jokes again. My sense of shame transmogrified into a feeling of being a privileged member of a secret society, a priestess of an ancient and exotic religion. This, in turn, buttressed my self esteem and helped me regain my self assertive footing outside of my relationship with Nat. After a couple of months of adjustment I was feeling comfortable in this strange new world of bondage and discipline and masochism, of surrender to his dominance, and sensual enjoyment of the pain he inflicted on me.

He incorporated more bondage into our play – tying my arms to a wooden rod that he would put athwart my back, perpendicular to my spine – then he bound my feet and looped that rope over the rod so that I was hogtied, unable to move arms or legs. It rendered me deliciously vulnerable and abjectly exposed. He would feed me his long cock while I was in this position and when I had excited him he would finish by stroking himself as he painted my face and head with his hot semen. Or, even more mortifying, while I was hogtied he would milk his sperm on the wooden floor next to my head and have me suck and lick it up from the floor while he watched with intense approval. I truly and deeply loved to do these sordid things for him. They excited and fulfilled me sexually. It was immensely pleasurable when I'm primly directing people around the restaurant in my most authoritarian fashion or chatting in my friendliest manner to customers to remember my abject sexual subjugation to Nat. The contrast with my 'real life' had become a source of exhilaration in itself.

So, I had evolved. I had accommodated the pain and humiliation that Nat required of me – more than that, I had learned to truly appreciate the exquisite pleasures of such subjugation and managed to 'compartmentalize' my other life so that I could continue to have a normal work life and friendships. But, complete satisfaction eluded me, maybe it was impossible. One evening in late April Nat mentioned that it was "obvious" I had a thing for Liz.

I couldn't deny it. "She is very attractive to me, Nat, I don't deny it."

"Have you ever had sex with another woman Sandy?"

"No."

"You could. I mean, as far as I'm concerned - I wouldn't mind if you had a relationship with Liz or another woman…."

"I don't…what do you mean Nat?"

"Just that, if you want to have sex with Liz or another woman, I'm cool with it. But, no other men, right?"

"No other men, Nat, I understand that, but Liz has a girlfriend; I don't think she wants me…"

"She wants you, trust me."

These words of Nat set my spirit soaring. The idea that Liz 'wanted' me was exciting. "How do you know that?"

"I'm just a keen observer Sandy, you two want to fuck each other, and it's pretty plain to me."

The next day, at work, with Nat's permission having been granted, I flirted with Liz. "You look lovely today Liz."

She just gave me a smile as she went about setting up the bar. "You look lovely today too Sandy." She gave me a knowing smile. "How are things with Nat?"

"Okay, we've agreed to give each other a little more space."

"Uh oh."

"No, it's okay; really, we've been smothering each other. How are things with Nikki?"

"Well, she's just a kid you know. Sometimes we don't have much of a connection beyond…beyond the sex." Liz came over to me and put her hand on top of mine and looked at me in her serious, soul piercing, but kind way.

"Do you see any other women Liz?"

"You mean do I have sex with any other women? Not currently no." She gave me a hard look. "Why do you ask?"

"Because…because I care about you. Because, I want to…want to be your lover." I blushed hotly after having stammered out these words. I met Liz's look and we stared at each other silently for a long moment.

She looked away and then turned back to me fiercely. "Is this just to please Nat? Some little girl on girl action to give your guy a thrill?"

"Please Liz. It's not that at all."

"No?" She arched her eyebrows in scornful suspicion.

"No! No, I'm just telling you how I feel."

She turned away. "I've got work to do," she said quietly. I was crushed. I went away from her feeling embarrassed and rejected.

I went to Nat's apartment that night and after he swatted me with the paddle and I stopped crying we engaged in the most pleasurable anal sex I'd ever had. I found myself encouraging him to ass-fuck me deeper, pushing myself backwards against him to take in more of his dick. It was fabulous to be able to fully enjoy deep anal fucking. I was a lucky girl, but my mind kept returning to Liz.

The next evening Liz slipped up behind me as I was in the office getting something off the shelf. She put her hand on my shoulder. I turned around startled. "Oh Liz, I didn't…" She leaned forward and kissed me on the mouth quickly but with her lips open. I kissed her back. Her soft lips and wet warm mouth were marvelous. She smiled after we paused in our kissing. "Do you really want to be lovers Sandy? Don't toy with me, but…"

"Oh yes! Yes Liz. I do, oh God, I do."

She giggled. "What about Nat Sandy?"

"I'm not giving up men Liz, I'm just wanting to add women, or rather one woman - you."

"So, you would continue to see Nat and fuck Nat, if we start to see each other?"

"Yes."

"And he's okay with that?"

"Yes."

"You've discussed it?"

"Yes."

"You've discussed fucking me with Nat?" She was angry again.

"He just said that it's obvious to him that we have…that we care about each other, and that it would be okay with him if I wanted to do something about it."

"Shit! I'm not some poor little girl who needs to share her lover…."

"I know that Liz. I know that. You could have your pick of whoever you want. I know that, believe me."

She was staring at me. Then she moved to me and we embraced and kissed deeply. Roger walked in innocently while we were kissing, "Sandy do you …oh shit! …I'm sorry…" he backed out. We released each other and giggled.

"That'll give him something to ponder," said Liz.

"Poor guy, he's sure to be confused."

"Look, I'm not sure how we will work this out. I'm in a relationship with Nikki and you're in one with Nat and you just want me on the side. Listen to me; I'm just trying to be practical. If we're going to get together then we'll need to be discrete. I don't want to spoil my thing with Nikki if you and I are just occasional lovers, right?"

"I understand, yes, sure."

"So, I can't go with you tonight; maybe tomorrow afternoon. Can we get together then Sandy?"

"Yes, yes Liz, that'd be great, okay."

* * * * *

Chapter Eight: Circe's Isle

Who could resist? Who in this universe?
She did so breathe ambrosia; so immerse
My fine existence in a golden clime.
She took me like a child of suckling time,
And cradled me in roses. Thus condemn'd,
The current of my former life was stemm'd,
And to this arbitrary queen of sense
I bow'd a tranced vassal….

- From "Endymion" by John Keats

The next afternoon Liz and I went to my apartment after the lunch crowd departed. I felt awkward but she was so calm and purposeful as usual that she put me at ease. Upon entering my apartment Liz pressed herself against my back and put her arms around my waist. Her body felt warm and soft against me. "I'm so horny for you," she said. I turned to her and we kissed and began to hunch each other. It was madly exciting.

"Have you ever been with a woman Sandy?"

"No, never."

"Not even in a threesome or …"

"No."

"Mmm, a virgin so to speak."

"So to speak."

She took my hand and led me to my bedroom. We kissed again and ground our pelvises together so hard it almost hurt. I put my hands on her perfect tits. "Let's get undressed," she said.

I nodded affirmatively, too excited to speak.

I pulled my clothes off while Liz undressed. When she removed her bra my mouth hung open. Her breasts were as attractive as I'd imagined with large dark pink areoles and nipples centered on her breathtaking pale mounds of tender womanly flesh. I was literally drooling with anticipation. She smiled at me and turned to give me a profile of her stunning breasts. Next she dropped her skirt and removed her pantyhose revealing her mound of reddish blond pubic hair. She sat on the bed and spread her legs a bit to reveal her faultless pussy to me. I was transfixed with lust. She leaned back on the bed, propping herself up with her arms out behind her. I knelt in front of her between her legs. I put my hands on her thighs. They were warm and supple. I brought my face close to her pussy and inhaled her delicate but earthy scent. I looked carefully at her pussy, trying to memorize its intricate details, and spread her legs wider to improve the view. I mustered saliva and stuck my tongue out as far as I could, and placed my tongue on her labia. I let it sit there just soaking in the experience of being in contact with her heavenly pussy.

As I drooled saliva onto her pussy I began to slowly massage and explore the nuances her labia with my tongue. I curled the tip between her labia to enter her and ran it up the length of her vaginal opening. Liz writhed gently in arousal and I felt her hands playing in the hair on my head. I was so happy to be licking her pussy. I lapped the outside of her pussy slowly, giving full long licks. I pressed my tongue between the labia and then curled the tip more deeply into her flicking her clitoris. She gasped with satisfaction and I reveled in her deep sighs. I extended my tongue then deeply into her magnificent vaginal chasm and worked it so that the friction of the sides of my tongue excited her clitoris. She lifted her pelvis and pushed it against my face. I gripped each side of her waist and pressed my face deeply into her dripping and excited pussy. I sucked her labia and pressed her clitoris between my lips. She cried out in pleasure. I was frenzied in my desire for her. I lapped her juices and drilled my tongue as deeply as I could into her time and again. I rubbed my face into her wet pussy. I gently but devilishly squeezed her clitoris with my teeth. I sucked hard on her pussy straining the labia between my teeth. She bucked hard in orgasm and screamed in joy. Her hands pressed hard against the top of my head pushing my face into the cauldron of her wet pussy. Her juices covered my face as I wildly licked and mouthed her. She shuddered and groaned and her pubic bone pressed hard against the bridge of my nose as she bucked in ecstasy again and shouted loudly. Then she fell quiet – and I lifted my face away from between her legs. My first experience eating pussy had been truly memorable – and very gratifying.

"Oh baby," I said. "Oh Liz, you're too much, too good." I crawled up in bed with her and we cuddled together. I mouthed her magnificent tits, letting my tongue bathe them in my saliva. I put my teeth on her nipples and squeezed enjoying her response. I pressed my face into them feeling their soft, fleshy, suppleness. She stroked the back of my head as I sucked on her tits. I was in heaven. "You're so beautiful Liz. A dream, really."

We embraced and kissed. I loved feeling her full breasts press against my flat little titties and her warm pussy grind into mine. I was fairly delirious with sensual delight. She rolled me onto my back and lay on top of me. She kissed my chest and mouthed my nipples which stood erect and hard for her. Calmly, gracefully she moved down my body exciting each area with her soft kisses. She pressed my legs apart with her body as she wriggled down. I felt my wet pussy rubbing against her tummy. She grabbed my ass and pulled me against her body as I wrapped my legs around her torso. She slid further down so that her tits pressed against my pussy and her lips were licking my upper abdomen. I pushed my hips forward and rubbed my pussy into her large beautiful tits while reaching down and holding her tightly against me. I could feel my pussy juices making her breasts slippery and this excited me wildly. I hunched hard against her chest and she reciprocated by rocking her pendulous breasts between my legs and mashing them against my pussy. It was so beautiful, so sensual - I was ecstatic. She wriggled further down now licking my tummy with her warm tongue. Then dropping her head to her chest she headed for my inflamed pussy. When her sweet lips kissed my pussy I fairly exploded in animalistic joy. I pressed her head into me and hunched against her lovely mouth. It was so perfect. Her long strong tongue delved deeply into my pussy and pressed against my vibrating clitoris. I popped my pelvis hard against her face and came in absolute ecstasy. I shouted repeatedly in delirious joy. My body rippled with blasts of orgasmic delight. Finally, quietness descended on this fantastic orgy of happiness. Liz snuggled beside me and we lay together in a gentle embrace. "I can die happy now," I said. She giggled. We closed our eyes and dozed off.

It was early evening when I woke up. Liz was getting dressed. "Are you leaving me?"

"Yes, I'd better be going Sandy. Nikki is coming over later."

"Oh," I said with a touch of injury. Liz gave me a long look.

"So, what are we doing Sandy? Is this going to be a secret affair or what?"

"I don't know."

"I think it is and I think you know. You're not giving up Nat are you? You're still going to fuck him right? So, I can't be expected to give up Nikki can I? So, we'll sneak around them both and get together when we can, right?"

"I guess Liz. I wish it could be different."

"No you don't. Be honest babe. It's okay, I'm a big girl. You could dump Nat if you wanted to and all you have to do is whistle for me, you know that."