Slow Dancing with a Fast Woman

Two hours later I woke, smelling something that reminded me how hungry I was. She was in the kitchen, her hair damp, wearing one of my tees and nothing else. Apparently she'd been up long enough to have a shower.

Noticing me, she broke into a huge smile, slinking over to mold her body to me, kissing me with passion. When she broke, she gave me a wicked grin.

"Love the shower, baby. I can't wait to christen it," Her eyes changed, going darker, and I knew she was wondering if someone had gone before her.

"That sounds like a great idea. The only intimacies I've shared in there was with my right hand, and I bet it would be a LOT more fun with you."

She beamed, giving me a great kiss. Then she turned everything off and started walking towards the bathroom, slipping out of the shirt before tossing it at my feet. "Coming?," she said, smiling.

We set the heads to mist. It was like bathing in a slow rain. We cleaned each up very, very well, before the shower surrendered to our passion, and lost its' purity.

The lovemaking was slow this time, as we did our best to see if everything was as we remembered it, For me, it wasn't. Somehow, it was better. I was a very happy, very tired man when we finally collapsed.

...

I beat her up the next morning. I showered again, and slipped into the bedroom for shorts and a tee.

She had rolled on her back, pulling the sheet with her. One of those long, sexy legs was out, as well as her left breast. I couldn't help it, and snapped two pictures. No one would ever see them but me, and I wanted them as a reminder when we were in our golden years, to show how absolutely perfect she had been.

I tickled her nose until she woke, kissed her, and told her to get cleaned up. I was taking her to breakfast, and then to her apartment to get clothes. She was working a split shift today as a favor to a friend. Then she was coming back to the house for the weekend.

I got to meet her roommates, and could understand why she said she was thinking about moving.

Amanda was a tall blonde. Decent looking, but she couldn't hold a candle to Melody. She had been married twice, divorced twice, her cheating the cause both times. Her last time had been with a woman, and she had a bit of a crush on Mel.

Beth was a chunky redhead that might have been attractive if she ever smiled. She didn't cheat on her husband, but had anger issues. He'd actually postponed the wedding until she got some help, and she'd lied to him, telling him she went through an anger management program. After they married, she turned into what her ex described as 'a screaming bitch the devil probably threw out of hell because even he couldn't stand her'.

He went for irreconcilable differences, because it was the easiest route to take and in this case it happened to be true. She was actually surprised, even though he begged her to get help right up until the day before he filed papers.

She didn't take it well, and ended up with a restraining order keeping her five hundred feet away from him at all times. She walked through it twice before the judge got tired of it and put her in jail for a weekend. She begged for counseling, got it, but after three sessions of listening to her scream, the counselor recommended the divorce be granted. It was sad, and he promised he would stop the divorce if she would just get help. Of course, she didn't.

Her idea of revenge was to fuck everything that moved and tell him about it. By then he could have cared less, because he'd met someone else. The funny thing is now she's in therapy, because the hospital told her it was that or unemployment. No one wants a nurse with the kind of bedside manner she had.

They didn't hesitate a second. As soon as Mel closed the door they were on me like rabid hyenas.

"So you're the guy who has her head so fucked up. I know your kind, you can't or won't forgive. That precious pride of yours won't let you. You'll end up making her jump through hoops until you get tired of her, and dump her again. Asshole!"

I know my mouth was hanging open. I'd never seen anyone spew venom like that. It must have made her day to get a chance to vent on someone. I made a note to never turn my back on Beth.

Amanda was no better.

"You hurt her, I swear to God it'll be the last thing you do. She deserves better, she deserves to find someone who can love her right, not some asshole who'll lord it over her her the rest of her life because she made a mistake." She would have probably said more, but I'd heard enough.

My good mood was long gone. "Listen bitches! First, Mel and I are none of your business. And if you think you're going to be the one who ends up with her, guess again. Mel tries to be tolerant, but she's a bit of a homophobe. She gets queasy watching two girls on porn films. The chances of you getting to lick her pussy are about the same as me ever liking you. Won't happen in this lifetime."

I turned to Beth. "And you! Amanda I can understand, a little. She's in love, or maybe just deep lust. You got no excuse. You just don't want anyone to be happy, period. Your husband should have been up for sainthood for putting up with your shit for as long as he did."

I was on a roll. Looking back, maybe I should have been a little quieter, but it felt good to vent, especially on bitches you didn't give a shit about.

"So fuck both of you. I'm not the least bit interested in your baggage. Right now, we have our own past to deal with. Don't expect an invitation if we decide to get married. Better yet, by all means come, seeing your face as I say my vows would be icing on the cake."

Mel had caught the last bit of our exchange, looking on like a deer caught in headlights. Amanda saw her and immediately stared.

"I hope you were listening, Mel. This guy isn't going to take you back, he's just fucking with you, waiting until you get comfortable before he drops the hammer. I've seen guys like this before, honey. Notice he said IF a lot. My second husband was just like him. Just to fucking proud to forgive a mistake. Well, I wonder if his pride gives blowjobs as good as I used to do, because he went through a long dry spell. News flash, jerkoff, pride won't love you back, give you kisses, cuddle you when you're sick."

I was beyond pissed at this point. "True, Amanda, true. Pride won't let you do those things. BUT, pride will let you look yourself in in the eye in the morning, confident that you are true to your beliefs. Pride will also let you walk down the street and look other people in the eye for the same reason. I've often thought the old saying about pride was all wrong. Pride doesn't go before the fall, it comes after it. When you're down in the dirt, and everything you wanted, everything you believed in, and everything you loved has been taken from you, pride will lift you up. Pride will force you to live according to your principles. It may not let you sleep at night, but it will make you aware your insomnia is bearable. Now, as stimulating as this conversation has been, Mel is ready, and we're leaving."

I took her hand and pulled her out the door, never so glad in my life to leave a place.

Mel was quiet on the way back to her car. When we got home she slipped her case into the trunk of her car, instead of carrying it in. I was confused.

"Mel, honey, let's put your case in the house. No need to ride it around, chance it getting stolen. It'll be here when you get here tonight."

She wouldn't look me in the eye. "Um, I think I'll pass. I'll be really tired, so I may just go home and crash. I need to think without distraction."

It hit me hard. "What happened, Mel? Three hours ago you were whining because you had volunteered to work, regretting it. You even tried to get someone to cover for you. Now, because of the rantings of some seriously disturbed women, even after yesterday and this morning, you don't want to spend time with me? Fine. Go find yourself. But be careful. I've already learned to live without you once. Go all passive/aggressive on me now and it'll be the last straw. And before you go, I'd like my key back."

I think she realized then she'd made a serious mistake, and tried to correct it, but I was way past being reasonable. Screw all this. After we finally reconnect, she wants to draw back? She was done. I was done with her. I'd do just fine without her.

...

Of course I wasn't. I missed her more than I did before we broke up the first time, angry at myself for letting myself believe.

I took solace in my job. You had to pay attention when you handled large stones, my broken toes had taught me that. So I worked on my backlog. trying to catch up before cold weather slowed us down. I didn't go home for three weeks, and only took one day off then, to do some laundry and check on my house.

I was a little surprised to see her car in my driveway. Even more surprised when Mel came flying out of the house and tackled me, putting us both on the ground. She held on to me with a death grip, mumbling and babbling almost incoherently.

She was pretty strong, but she didn't lift rocks for a living. I got tired of being gentle, so I took her hands and forced them back until they were behind her back.

"SHUT UP!" I'd never raised my voice to her before like that, and it shocked her into silence. I took advantage of it and got up, leaving her on the ground.

I left her lying on the ground, whimpering like a wounded animal, determined to leave her there. I almost had the door shut when her cries became screams. Even though I wanted nothing to do with her, I couldn't stand her sounds of pain. I went back and tried to get her up but she refused to move, so I scooped her and headed towards the door. Her arms went around my neck as the tears fell, snuffling into my neck.

I dropped her on the couch, not very gently, and went to get her some water.

"Drink!," I said, sitting her upright. She drank the water, staring at me with her huge eyes.

"How did you get in here?," I asked, after she quieted. She started talking, but it was disjointed, rambling. I held up my hand and she stopped instantly.

"I'm going to try one more time. Answer me in simple words. Go slow. And be truthful. One lie and I'll never speak to you again. Begin."

She held her head down while she talked, so quietly I almost asked her to speak up.

"I broke a window. I replaced it right away. I knew where you kept the spare keys, and I used them. I went home that night when I finished my shift, had a terrible fight with Amanda and Beth, and they threw me out. I could have gone to a motel, but I ran here like a wounded animal. Because I was a wounded animal, destroyed by my own actions. I just wanted to be near you, to beg you to help me get your love back."

"You weren't here, and you wouldn't answer the messages, texts, or emails I left for you. I felt safe here, so I stayed, waiting for you to come home. If you want me to leave, I will."

She seemed totally destroyed. Kicking her out would have been like beating a puppy.

"Well, not right now. I still need to process some things, and I'll need your help to do it. Order a pizza, I'm starving. I'll be back after I shower."

Her eyes lit up with hope, but my look dampened it a little. When I came out showered, dressed in sweats, I noticed she'd freshened up, minimal makeup, hair neatly tied back in a ponytail. It made her look younger.

I was spared conversation by the arrival of the pizza, which Mel grabbed and hustled into the kitchen. By the time I'd paid, she had plated it, and had a glass of wine sitting beside the plate.

I gave the wine back. "Water will be fine for right now. I want to have a clear head for later."

She nodded, getting us both a glass, leaving the wine sitting. I noticed the way she ate, nibbling the edges,glancing up at me from time to time. She seemed a little slimmer than I remembered.

"You on a diet?"

She shook her head. "I just haven't been hungry lately."

I nodded and ate another piece of pizza, thinking while I ate. I really didn't know what to do. We were a pretty messed up pair of human beings.

We finished, she tidied up a little, and we sat down in the living room to talk. I could tell she was disappointed I didn't sit beside her, choosing to face her in the recliner.

"Tell me the truth here, Mel. I know you want us back together. I want us back together. But how? How can I ever trust you? What could you possibly say or do to get us back to where we were before it all fell apart? Suggestions?"

Actually, she had a plan. "Couples counseling. Pam at work told me about it. She went through a bad time with her boyfriend just before they were to marry, and they went, to see if they could salvage their love. She said it worked wonders, made them both realize they weren't prepared for married life. They put off the wedding for a year, but she said it was worth the wait, because when she walked down the aisle and met him at the altar, they were both sure in their hearts this was the path they were destined to take. I even get a discount through my job. Will you think about it? I think it might be the only way we can get over what I've done. I'm willing to try, and I'm begging you. There's a chance we'll realize we will never be together, but I'm willing to take it. Living this half-life is killing me. Please promise you'll think about it."

I could tell it took a lot out of her to make that little speech, and I promised I'd think about it. She nodded, looking half hopeful.

She got up, and I heard her rambling around in the bedroom. She came out a few minutes later pulling a suitcase behind her.

"Will you help me load this in my car?"

Well, what the hell. She squats in my house, begs me to go to couples counseling with her, and then she runs away, again?

"Where are you going?"

Mel seemed surprised. "A motel, I suppose. I know you won't want me here right now. I guess I'll look for an apartment next week."

I picked the case up, surprised at the weight. Instead of walking towards the door, I carried it back into the bedroom, threw it on the bed, and starting unpacking it. She followed, and watched me silently, before asking in a timid voice what i was doing.

"I'm putting your clothes back where they belong. Now, would you like to help me? I can manage without you if I have to, but I may not put things where you want them." I held up one of her thongs, twirling it in my hand.

Unexpectedly shy, she snatched it away from me.

"I'll make a deal," she said through tears, "I'll put them away and put them on, but you need to take them off as often as possible."

I'd never seen a woman cry and smile at the same time. It twitched her face into all kinds of expressions. "Deal," I said softly, kissing her cheek, "but there will be some rules. I think I'll have that wine now. Want your glass?"

She nodded, hair down in her eyes. Ten minutes later she snuggled beside me, taking the wine. Mel didn't say anything for a few minutes, enjoying the wine and the moment. Finally, in a voice so soft I almost didn't hear it, she whispered. "Rules?"

Yes, Mel, rules. I'd like to say we'll make it, but until we resolve our issues I'm not sure. You will continue to live with me. You can sleep in my bed if you want. We won't get any better if we're apart."

"Make the appointment for counseling as soon as possible. Email me the dates, but please try to make it for Fridays, in the evenings, so I can work."

"I'm willing to try, Mel. You know I love you more than anything in the world, but I have to know in my heart that going forward I can trust you completely. AND, if for any reason one of us decides it's just not going to work, we tell the other immediately. Agreed."

I expected her to jump all over it, but she said nothing, sipping her wine. I was about to speak again when Mel spoke.

"Yes, with all my heart. And I will be sleeping in OUR bed. Where else would I sleep? I want a few things from you, in return. I want you to ease up on work enough to actually spend more than a day now and then with me. I want your absolute promise that short of a natural disaster or a cataclysmic event, you will be at all the sessions. Promise me."

I was about to answer when she held up her hand. "One more thing. I want you to try to figure out a way I can prove how much I love you, and that I will always be faithful to you. Whatever it is, I'll do it. But I have my own insecurities. I may ask you for the same consideration, sometime in the future. Deal?"

"Deal," I said.

...

We didn't make love that night, it just didn't seem right, somehow. It wasn't because I didn't want her, especially when I saw her sleepwear.

It wasn't some sexy teddy or gown or exotic lingerie, but a really thin 'wife beater' shirt, in red, with matching bikini panties. It looked hot as hell. She snuggled into me as I stroked her body, and was asleep in minutes. I lay awake, thinking, wondering if we were finally on the right path to happiness.

I lived up to my words, working half days or not at all on Fridays, so I could be home for the sessions.

The counselor was a man, which surprised me. I would have bet good money she would have picked a woman. Come to find out, she picked him because he had the highest success rate in helping couples over their problems than anyone in his practice.

I liked the guy. He was calm, relaxed, told me he liked to keep the drama to a minimum. We each had a session alone before we went together. In each he asked what we hoped the outcome of the sessions would be. Our answers were very similar.

He was calm, but he didn't pull punches, and often Mel would be in tears before the session was over. I didn't cry, but he did push my buttons skillfully enough to make me want to punch him a time or two.

He got Mel to admit what I suspected. She stayed with Jerry, especially in the early phase of our relationship, as a security blanket, in case I wasn't what I appeared to be. When she figured out she wanted me, she did start the process of divorce, but stopped short of filing. Her reason was that until I proposed she wasn't sure of my feelings.

I called bullshit, and the counselor actually agreed with me. "Is that really true, Melanie? In the six months you dated, especially after you started staying with him on the weekends, did you not feel secure that he loved you? Even if you did deny sex to your ex while dating Jesse, you still shared a bed, still snuggled, exchanged endearments. Then when he left you did the same with Jesse. Yes, you did divorce, but only after you were caught."

She almost screamed out her response, surprising both of us. "YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE? I BETRAYED BOTH OF THEM! AND I RUINED ANY CHANCE OF HAPPINESS I'M EVER GOING TO HAVE!"

She calmed down a bit, snuffling.

"I don't think that's necessarily so, Melanie, or you two wouldn't be here now. However, I think we've gone as far as we can in these sessions."

We both looked at him in surprise. "But we're not healed yet!" Melanie cried out.

"No, you're not. But you've come as far as you can with my help. You're both obviously still deeply in love. That was easy to determine. You want to stay together, get the happily ever after you both want desperately. That's a given.

The whole thing comes down to trust."

"Can Jessie trust you? Hopefully. Does he now? No. Same with you. In your mind, you're not sure he can ever get over what you did, and that he may be seeking revenge at some point. You both have to make the decision soon about whether it's worth the work and the pain you'll both go through to resolve your issues. I can't do that, I have no magic wand to wave over you and declare you healed. I can just wish you the best of luck and tell you this. I think if you can attain grace from each other, you'll never regret it. And if you can't...well, you need to cut your losses and walk away. I wish you all the luck in the world."