Sweetest Sin

Oliver suppressed a groan. "I'm so sorry I did that to her."

"You didn't do anything to her, Olly. I did." Adrian shook his head. "For the past three months she's been very sick. She's not getting any better. It's not good Oliver. I've been so worried and stressed. You don't know but you've...you've in a way helped me de-stress, Oliver. When I'm with you, I'm able to forget about all my worries and just let go. I love hanging out with you and just having fun. I look forward to sitting with you every evening. I live for those moments. I'm sorry I've dragged you into this but...I don't know what I'll do if you cut me off. These past five days have been hell. Not seeing you, not talking to you...Oliver, you have no idea what I've been through. Yes I felt guilty for cheating on Donna so I wanted to punish myself by staying away from you but...I can't do that anymore." He breathed.

"How have you been able to survive all these years without..." Oliver knew it was the wrong thing to be dwelling on at that particular moment but he just couldn't get past that.

Adrian sighed. He knew what Oliver was asking. "I have these." He raised his hands. "Besides I work too hard I don't even get the time to think about that. Hell, I sometimes forget my cock can do other things besides peeing." Adrian chuckled. "She used to offer to help." Adrian gave a short humourless laugh. "Said she still had her mouth and hand. But I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't allow her to bring me pleasure when she couldn't get any. She encouraged me to take a mistress. I said I couldn't do it. She suggested prostitutes. I told her no. Then she broke down and begged for a divorce, saying she was holding me back. I've never loved her more than I did in that particular moment. She has a beautiful soul. No one understands me better than her. Seeing her waste away is killing me Oliver. I just can't think straight. What will the kids and I do if she leaves us? She's been a constant in our lives since we were all toddlers. I just don't know what to do." Adrian's breath caught on the last sentence.

Before Oliver knew what he was doing, he'd pulled Adrian's trembling body into a tight embrace, holding him as silent tears coursed down his cheeks. His heart ached for Adrian. No one should go through that. He was younger and smaller compared to Adrian but he suddenly had a strong urge to protect him. He wanted to protect him against the world...keep him safe from the harshness of the world.

After what felt like hours, Adrian moved out of Oliver's embrace, looking embarrassed. He noticed how soaked Oliver's shirt was with his tears and groaned. "Sorry for wetting your shirt." He croaked.

"Don't worry about it. Are you okay?"

"Much better. Thanks." Adrian stood up. "A moment please." He said as he headed towards the bathroom.

When he came back to his seat, they'd sat in silence for a moment, both lost in thought. Oliver couldn't help but feel shitty for allowing himself to be the one who made Adrian fall off the wagon. He would have felt better if he'd said his wife was a monster rather than the nice person she obviously was. After a while, he moved to the edge of his seat and turned his head to look at Adrian.

"Why me, Adrian? I mean you're not gay. And I can bet my last cent you don't go around fantasizing about guys. So why me?"

Adrian stared back at Oliver for a moment. He really didn't know how to answer that question. Oliver was right...he'd never been curious about any guy. Neither had he planned on sleeping with Oliver. He liked him, liked their talks, liked how he felt free around him. Adrian always kept to himself. He wasn't a happy person. No one in his shoes would be happy anyway. But he didn't even have time to talk to the few friends that he had. He couldn't stand the pity in their eyes so he kept to himself. The little fun he had was with his kids. And there was so much he could talk about with a kid. So when he started hanging out with Oliver who didn't know anything about his problems, it had been nice and refreshing. Oliver had managed to slide right past his defenses and unknowingly, made him come out of his shell. Maybe it was his sweet and adorable nature, but he just felt so free around Oliver. As for the sex, it had just happened. And it had been amazing. He'd regretted it after but he knew he'd do it again if given the chance.

"I really don't know Oliver." Adrian finally said quietly. "I can't stop thinking about you."

"That's sweet but..."

"It's not sweet." Adrian snapped. "It's a fucking problem. I can't sleep. If I do, I wake thinking about you. I'm talking to my kids, I'm thinking about you. I'm taking care of my wife, I'm fucking thinking about you." He gave a humourless laugh. "For the past weeks that we've been hanging out, I've come to like you very much. Too much. And it scares me." Adrian watched as Oliver nodded slowly.

"I like you too." Oliver said quietly. "I like everything about you. I like the way you look, the way you think, the way you talk...hell I don't even care what you're saying." He groaned. "I just like listening to you. If it makes you feel any better, I'm thinking about you all the time too."

"It doesn't make me feel any better, no." Adrian groaned. "Fuck. What we did felt perfect and right, and at the same time terribly wrong. It can't happen again, Oliver." He whispered the last sentence. "I would appreciate it if we could remain friends."

Oliver nodded slowly and then gave a deep sigh. "I have to go Adrian." He said quietly and almost smiled when Adrian rubbed the back of his neck in a sign of frustration. He was beginning to associate that gesture with Adrian. He thought it was adorable.

"God... Please don't go." Adrian's voice was barely above a whisper. "Stay. For a while at least. Please." He looked miserable.

"Listen Adrian." Oliver began. "I'm going to be very honest with you. I'm very attracted to you. From the very first day I saw you, I had the hots for you. I wanted to know what it felt like to be underneath you. I'm sorry, I know I'm a terrible person but...that's just how I felt. I don't know about you, but what happened here the other evening was absolutely amazing. There's no way I'm going to forget that or pretend it didn't happen or stop myself from wanting more. I thought I'd feel different about you after the way you reacted after blowing my mind but...I want you even more. And I don't think it's fair to Donna, me or even you. If I keep hanging around you, spending time with you, I can't promise to keep my hands to myself. I'm human. And you're the sexiest man I've even met. You can choose to grow a gut or stop showering or something but I don't think that will even work. I don't think I'll ever stop wanting you."

"What are you saying?" Adrian whispered.

"I guess what I'm saying is that I can't be your friend, Adrian. It's not a good idea for the two of us to be around each other because I can't promise what happened the other night is not going to happen again. We just can't be together, Adrian. You see...I love chocolates. But it's bad for me. So I try to stay away from it. I don't like seeing it at all...it's too tempting to resist. Sorry but..."

Adrian swallowed hard. He'd later told Oliver that under any other circumstances, his analogy of the chocolate would have been hilarious but at that very moment, he didn't find it funny at all. He felt wretched, distressed...totally desperate. The thought of not being able to talk to Oliver, not laughing with him, not eating with him...the mere thought of not being around Oliver was panicking.

"If I say I'm willing to be with you in that way, will it change your mind?" Adrian asked quietly, shocking Oliver.

Oliver froze. He hadn't been expecting that question. He stared at Adrian, his heart pounding so hard within his chest. Christ, what was the man doing to him? Surely he couldn't be a home wrecker...do that to that poor woman. Besides, he'd promised himself never to get involved with a straight man. Such relationships brought nothing but heartbreak. Why the fuck was he even hesitating in giving his answer? Of course there was no way he could ever agree to be with Adrian under the current circumstances. Oliver took a deep breath.

"Yes." He whispered, saying a quick prayer of forgiveness in his mind. He was definitely going to burn in hell for this. "It will."

Adrian stood up and held out a hand to Oliver, who took the hand and got to his feet. Then Adrian took Oliver into the bedroom and made mad sweet love to him.

And they'd been fucking ever since.

***

Oliver was lost in thought as he toweled his hair after his shower. He still felt shaken inside after that mind-boggling realization that evening. He was in love with Adrian. Oliver pulled on boxer briefs and a t-shirt and climbed into bed. His worst nightmare had materialized. He was totally and irrevocably in love with a straight married man. How stupid could he be? Oliver pulled the covers over him and switched off the light. He stared into the darkness, wide awake. They'd been together for three months and had grown to care so much for each other. Somehow they just couldn't function well without each other. Adrian spent a lot of time with his kids but whenever they were away visiting his mum or Donna's parents, Adrian spent all his free time with him. Of course it only became free time after Adrian had seen to Donna who according to him had taken a turn for the worse.

Oliver sometimes felt so much guilt inside. It felt as though he and Adrian were enjoying each other whilst Donna was fighting for her life. But how could something wrong feel so right? To make matters worse, he wanted Adrian to himself. He was only human. For now, he remained Adrian's dirty secret. But for how long would he be okay with that? The only way he could freely have Adrian to himself was if Donna was out of the picture. And that killed Oliver even more because it was almost as if he was waiting for Adrian's wife to die in order to get what he wanted. Sometimes it made him physically sick to think about the fact that indirectly, he was a very bad person. It got so bad at times that he contemplated breaking things off with Adrian. But Oliver knew that with the way he felt about Adrian, there was no way he could ever break things off with him. He was too far gone in what they had, and so damn hot for the man, he would accept whatever kind of connection he could get. He also knew that Adrian needed him then more than ever. The desperation and urgency with which Adrian had been taking him in the past few weeks showed just how stressed he was and how much he needed him. And despite how difficult it was for Oliver now that he knew how he felt about Adrian, he vowed to himself to stick by Adrian's side to help him through the tying times. His man needed him and he was going to be there for him.

***

Adrian sped home as if the hounds of hell were chasing him. He would have stayed with Oliver longer but for the call he'd received from Donna. She said she wanted to talk to him before she slept. She was supposed to be sleeping at that time anyway but she'd surprisingly sounded alert and strong. It had been a while since he heard Donna sound so well. Adrian increased his speed. He wanted to see her.

As he sped through his gate, he met Elise, the doctor who took care of Donna, driving out. He stopped when he got to her side.

"Is she okay?" Adrian asked with worry in his voice.

"She's okay. Begged me to give her a shot of clavenol so I did."

"What?" Adrian bellowed. "You know she'll be weak after it leaves her system."

"I gave her the tiniest dose, don't worry." Elise chuckled. "She said she wanted to talk to you so you better hurry before she crashes out. You know how it is when she goes to sleep after the magic of clavenol. Florence and Catherine are with her in the room, watching TV. See you in the morning, Adrian."

When Adrian entered the foyer of his state of the art mansion, he met the cook who asked whether he wanted dinner.

"No Alex, I'm good." He said and bounded up the stairs.

The kids were at his mother's. As much as possible he made them stay with their grandparents to spare Donna the screams and ruckus. She needed peace to rest as most of the time she was in pain when she was awake. Adrian entered their suite and heard the laughter of the nurses coming from the bedroom. He knocked softly and pushed the door open.

"Hello ladies." He greeted, his eyes going to the beautiful woman sitting in their bed, propped up with pillows.

The nurses said hello back and hurried past Adrian to give him some privacy with his wife. The respect they had for Adrian was clear in their eyes. "Have a lovely evening Doc." One of them said when they got to where Adrian stood by the door.

"You too Florence Nightingale." Adrian chuckled as the nurses burst into laughter. He closed the door behind them and started to strip out of his clothes as he made his way to Donna's side. He bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You look well." He murmured.

"I feel well." She grinned and then burst into laughter when Adrian smirked. "That snitch. She told you didn't she?"

"I should tan your hind lady." Adrian gave a mock scowl. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to take that anymore. You always get so weak after that bout of energy." He was down to his boxers.

"She gave me just a little. Come sit beside me." She patted the space beside her.

"Don, please let me take a quick shower. It's going to be the quickest shower ever...promise." There was no way he was going to sit beside her when he hadn't taken a shower after being with Oliver.

"Okay. Hurry." Donna gave a brilliant smile.

Adrian was back into the room in no time at all. He pulled on a grey sweatpants and white t-shirt and went to sit beside Donna on the bed with his back against the headboard. "Now what was it you wanted to tell me?" He asked running his hand through Donna's fiery red hair.

"It's more like what you have to tell me actually." Donna said, leaning her head against Adrian's shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Adrian frowned, confused.

"Isn't there anything you want to tell me?" Donna asked.

"Nothing comes to mind."

"Are you seeing someone, Adrian?" She asked softly.

Adrian froze, his hand stilling in Donna's hair. "Don..." He'd never lied to her before. He couldn't start now.

"Who's Oliver?" Donna tilted her head to look at Adrian's face and watched as all the blood drain out of his face.

"What?" It was a whisper. Adrian looked as white as sheet.

"For the past...two months, you've been mentioning that name in your sleep. Initially I thought nothing of it but then it became frequent. You mention that name almost every night. I don't usually sleep much at night thanks to all the sleep I have during the day. I can see the change in you, Aid. I know you've been worried sick but there's this...joy...contentment...positive energy around you. You know I've always been able to read you like a book. I just know you've met someone and that person makes you happy. I've waited for you to tell me but you've said nothing. Adrian you know I'll be the last person to condemn you if you decide to be with someone. I must admit it was a little shocking to know you liked a guy but hey...at least I don't have to compete with a chic." She laughed softly. "Hey snap out of it." She shook Adrian. "I'm not angry. Well, maybe just a little bit that you didn't trust me enough to tell me."

"Donna..." Adrian couldn't recognize his own voice. He didn't even know what to say.

"There was a day about three months ago when you came home looking completely devastated." She said softly. "The guilt on your face. Christ! I just knew. There were moments I thought you were going to tell me but you always chickened out. I wanted to ask you then but I knew asking you would worsen it for you. Why do you put yourself through so much unnecessary torture? You know me. And you know where I stand on this. And it hurts that you couldn't confide in me. Have I ever given you cause to be wary of me?"

"Oh my God, I'm sorry Donna." Adrian groaned. "I just couldn't bring myself to..."

"Who is he?"

Adrian swallowed and cleared his throat. "He's the guy who came to install the new software. We just hang out sometimes." It was the truth. "I...I like him." Adrian placed his hands in his lap and stared at his fingers.

"You more than like him Adrian." Donna chuckled. "For the past month you've been saying you love him in your sleep."

"Oh fuck." Adrian gasped. "I don't love..."

"Shhh...you totally do darling. You're head over heels in love with the guy. You're a doctor. You know how the subconscious works. It brings out what your mind and heart tries to suppress or hide. Does he love you, Adrian?"

"I don't know." He whispered. His fingers were shaking so bad.

Donna entwined her fingers with Adrian's and squeezed it as tightly as she could. "Tell me exactly how you feel about him. And don't bother lying 'cause I'll know." Her eyes were so soft and encouraging Adrian found himself telling her what he hadn't been able to put into words himself.

"I don't know how to describe it, Donna. I..." He took a deep breath. "When I'm with him, I'm happy. I can't imagine not being with him." The words tore out of Adrian. "It's... There's this feeling I get in my stomach that's unexplainable whenever I think of him. I more than like him I guess..." He shrugged, clamping his mouth shut because he really didn't want to tell Donna that he sometimes felt like the luckiest person in the world for having Oliver in his life. Though that was exactly how he felt, he thought it would rather be insensitive to tell his sick wife that. After all, she didn't have Oliver in her life. "I just can't get him out of my mind, Donna."

"If you can't get someone off your mind, they are probably supposed to be there." Donna said softly. "Don't even bother trying."

"Yeah but...he's a guy, Don." Adrian breathed. "I don't swing that way and you know it." He gave a humourless chuckle. "But Oliver... it just happened. I knew I shouldn't. I tried hard to fight my feelings, but I just couldn't. Fuck!"

"Hey, relax." Donna whispered, squeezing Adrian's hand. "Love doesn't mind the sex of a person. You love him. That's all that matters. You never lose by loving, Aid. You rather lose by holding back." She said, and then grinned.

Adrian raised an eyebrow when he saw his wife's grin. "What?"

"Just...trying to picture you with a guy that's all." Donna managed to look amused, curious and excited at the same time. She couldn't suppress her laughter when Adrian groaned. "Seriously Aid, you have to tell me exactly how it started. At what point did you realize you had the hots for him? Did you freak out? Come on, tell me everything. I've been going crazy for months trying to imagine your reaction when you realized you were attracted to a guy. Please tell me."

"Donna..."

"Ow come on. Please. I mean I know I've probably put you off women but... Unless of course he's a... Is he a queen?" She gushed with wide eyes.

"No, no he's an ordinary guy." Adrian signed. He knew Donna wouldn't let up till he told her what she wanted to know. She'd taken the shot to ensure she stayed alert for all the deets too. "Very handsome guy." He added with a shy smile.

"Okay, how did you react when it dawned on you that you wanted him? How did both of you react? Who made the first move?"

"You're not going to let this go are you?" At Donna's 'not on your life' look, Adrian leaned the back of his head against the wall and mumbled something unintelligible. His relationship with Donna had always been more of friendship. And as friends, Donna was very easy to talk to. "Okay so... Oliver is your normal sweet...nerd who I began hanging out with after work." Adrian began. "I enjoyed his company very much. Admittedly, I thought he was adorable and handsome but I'd never thought about us in that way."