Irresistible Impulse

Looking back I cannot believe that I remained so calm during this conversation. I think that although I was accepting my wife's infidelity on a theoretical level, I still did not believe that it was really true. The fact that my mind was disjointed is proved by my rather stupid responses such as, "So there is no chance of you going back to him?"

"None," Davina answered categorically but then she went on, "Don't get me wrong, I despise and even hate Jerry but my body is still in thrall to him. I will never live with him again but, if I met him on neutral ground such as a hotel, I'd jump in bed with him like a shot even now."

I was shocked. "He's that good at sex?"

"When he wants, he can be magic," Davina said sadly. "The first couple of years we were married I thought I was in heaven. So you know what you are up against. For heaven's sake, try to keep Louise well away from him. It won't be easy if she is determined but as the affair has probably only just started you might still stand a chance. You have a strong marriage so perhaps if she does not actually see him for a couple of weeks or so, her loyalty to you might prevail. Try and take her away somewhere - go on holiday, abroad if possible."

"He's living at our house."

"GOD! Get him out of there, whatever it costs," Davina advised urgently. "Pick a fight with him, let him beat you up, preferably badly. You might just win a sympathy vote from Louise but at the very least it should get him removed from your house on the grounds of assault. If he has got his hooks in that far you have got to be extremely drastic."

Davina paid the bill and we left without eating. Back in my office I ordered that no calls should be put through and spent the afternoon thinking. You will be amazed to hear that I decided to do nothing. I knew very well that Jerry had led Davina one hell of a life so it was understandable if some perceived last straw should have pushed her over the brink. Admittedly things did look black but it was not beyond the bounds of possibility that there might be an innocent explanation. It just did not seem credible that my best friend of ten years standing and my very loyal loving wife should both be betraying me. I could not bear the thought of losing a friendship and introducing a flaw into my marriage with possibly unfounded accusations - so I decided it was better to wait until I had absolute proof.

That evening was an exact repeat of the one before except that I took less part in the conversation. I was concentrating on observation. I was looking for a shared glance between them or a touch in passing and by the end when no such had occurred, I felt a profound relief that Davina's suspicions seemed to have no basis in fact. In bed I rolled over quickly and set about giving the impression that I had gone to sleep. Well over an hour passed. I felt sure that Louise was still awake but the fact that she was still by my side, backed up by the impressions of the evening, provided convincing evidence of her innocence.

I think that I actually did fall asleep for a second or two for was I jolted suddenly awake by the movement of her slipping out of bed. When she was through the bedroom door, I quietly followed and was just in time to see her dim outline going into the guest bedroom. Louise had left that door just slightly ajar and I reached that point as she got in beside Jerry. Although they were whispering I could hear everything that was said with crystal clarity. For someone accepting a mistress into his bed, Jerry sounded particularly disagreeable as he asked, "What kept you."

"Toby's breathing was very funny tonight, I had to wait a very long time before I was sure that he was asleep," she apologised.

"I don't know why you bothered, he has got to find out sooner or later," was his unsympathetic response.

"Can't we just carry on like this; I don't want to hurt him."

"It's better if he knows."

"Let's talk about this later, please fuck me," Louise begged.

I was totally shocked - not so much by her use of the word (although she always did use 'make love ' with me), but by the pleading tone to her voice. Admittedly I lingered by the door long enough to see him roll on top of her and hear her long sigh of contentment but then stumbled blindly back to the marital bed. Blanking my ears to any noise from the adjoining room, I lay there sobbing for what seemed an eternity. My emotions were just about under control when Louise eventually brought her faithless body back to my side - the time was exactly 3.45 a.m.

Next day I went to the office as usual but did no work at all during the day. Even at five o'clock, I found it necessary to procrastinate for, instead of dashing straight home for a showdown, I made one pint of beer last over an hour in the local tavern. I then found a video rental shop and took out a film that the kids had been pestering for. At home the children were squabbling about a TV program, Jerry was in the dining room eating and my wife was in the kitchen already starting to serve my meal. I threw the video to David and Claire, ignored the cuckoo in my nest and grabbing Louise by the arm, I dragged her roughly out to the car.

The pike was the logical place in our area if in search of privacy but that was the one spot that I could not go. I just drove grimly in silence until on a B road, I pulled into a deserted lay-by and stopped. Louise had not spoken a word since I pulled her from the house but now, without looking at me she said quietly, "You know, don't you?"

"Why?"

"I don't know," she said turning to look at me with helpless eyes.

"When did it start?"

"Friday - bloody Friday."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I got into his car without thinking," she began. Her eyes were on my face but focussed in such a way that they avoided my gaze. "Even when he turned off to go over the tops I was not really worried because he muttered something about it being the quicker way but then when he took the road up to the pike itself, I knew what was going to happen. On the top he stopped, parked, got out and then removed a blanket from the boot. There was nobody in sight but on a day like that there was bound to be someone around. It didn't make any difference to him because he spread the blanket in full view. I think he smiled at me but he never said a word. I took off my jeans and my knickers and lay down on the blanket - it was some kind of irresistible impulse. Toby, it all seemed so inevitable. When it was over I thought we'd been about half an hour and was amazed to find out how late it was. Jerry did not seem to care but I was panicking and it was me who made him think up a reason to explain why we were so late."

"I can't believe that it could happen so quickly like that. There must have been something before."

"He kissed me at Xmas."

"He has kissed you at lot of other times and long before that to my knowledge."

"No, you don't understand," she said anxiously. "Right from when I first met Jerry, it was very easy to see why he was so successful with women but I thought he was not my type - and of course I had you. There was never anything between us except a few years ago when for a time I got the feeling that he was building up to make a pass at me. For those few weeks I got very agitated whenever we were in his company but it all died off and I convinced myself that I had imagined it. I've kissed him loads of times at Xmas, New Year and birthdays but no differently from the way I have seen you kiss Davina. But at our last years Xmas party the kiss was different. I was alone in the kitchen when Jerry came in, bundled me into the pantry and pulled the door shut after us. He stuck his tongue right down my throat and his hands were all over me. It could have easily got out of hand then but you called from the front door to say that Joe and Veronica were leaving. That brought me to my senses so I pushed him off and came out to say goodbye."

I tried to remark on this but Louise quietened me and continued, "After that I was scared of being alone with him ever again. If he came into a room where I was by myself, I immediately got up and left and if ever I didn't know where both you and Davina were, I used to find something to do near to where the children were playing. For the last six months although everything seemed to be the same on the surface, there has been this undercurrent - I didn't know if Jerry was aware of it too or whether the whole thing was in my mind. Three weeks ago when Davina was doing that big Sunday meal for everybody, I was helping in her kitchen when she discovered she had forgotten to buy any cream. She suggested that I ask all four kids to walk down through the woods to the village shop for some but I knew they had gone to play by the stream and offered to walk down myself.

As soon as I set off I knew that I had done a stupid thing. You and Jerry were sitting out in the sun, you were asleep but he was reading a newspaper and I realised how easy it would be for him to follow me. All the way down I was on edge, always looking behind, intending to hide if I saw him coming. Coming back was even worse because at any minute I expected him to step out from behind a tree in front of me. When I got back to the house I was trembling all over. It was all so crazy because Jerry had gone to sleep in his chair and it was you who was reading the paper."

Louise shook her head ruefully. "After that I had a stern word with myself. I must have been too convincing because on Friday I climbed into his car laughing and it was not until we were out of the car park that I realised that I had got myself into exactly the situation that I had been at such pains to avoid."

"Why didn't you mention it me? I could have protected you from him."

"How could I? Imagine how you would have reacted if I had told you about the effect he had on me. I thought that I could handle it myself."

"You never did try to ring me on your mobile?"

"No. While...while we were screwing, I heard it ringing inside his car. I guessed that it must be you but everything seemed so far away and unimportant. Later on you almost caught me out when you asked why I hadn't t rung but somehow you believed about the battery - it was all I could think of on the spur of the moment. Then Jerry almost ruined that excuse when he rang as I was getting into bed. My head was all mixed up and I wanted some time to sort out my emotions but he didn't give me a chance. He was ringing to say that he was bringing Davina for dinner on Saturday. I tried to dissuade him but he said it was part of his cover story for the afternoon and asked me to back him up. It was impossible not to."

"What happened on Saturday?"

"That was terrible. When I saw from Davina's face that she guessed what we had been up to, I got all confused and ran into the kitchen to escape. Jerry followed immediately. As soon as he was in the kitchen he got his cock out and I knew he expected me to suck it. I wanted to. I desperately wanted to taste it again but I hoped it would be quick. It can't have been deliberate but he couldn't cum. I was sucking and sucking to no effect and I knew that the pudding was spoiling. Worse than that, I was sure that you were bound to walk in on us at any second and it would have been horrible if you had discovered me kneeling on the floor with his penis in my mouth."

I was unable to speak because in my brain there was a vivid image of the scenario that she had just described. "I nearly confessed to you on Saturday night," she said. "I felt so ashamed of what I had done in the kitchen and the compunction that had made me do it. But being pretty sure that Davina knew, I thought she would keep Jerry away from me. If I could only have gone back to the avoiding action, then it was possible that you never needed to find out."

"But she slung him out instead."

"That is when I was really lost. When he turned up Sunday, there was the temptation of having him in the house and the opportunity of being with him. At that point, I believed it was for only that night. I thought, "Just once more, to see if Friday had been real or only a fabulous dream. Since then I've been to him every night. Did you know?"

"Not for sure but I guessed you had."

"How did you find out?"

"Davina told me yesterday lunchtime," I said.

"But you waited until today?"

"What Davina said made sense but I did not really believe it. I had to see it with my own eyes. I followed you last night."

"I knew that you weren't asleep," Louise said nodding. "I wouldn't have gone to him but I knew that if I didn't he was likely to come and fetch me."

"So what happens now?" I asked.

Louise looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You may not believe me but I love you as much as ever. In fact, knowing what this is doing to you, I love you even more but I want him."

It took an effort to speak but I managed to ask, "What exactly is his big appeal?"

My wife rested her hand lightly on the back of mine as she said, "I'm not saying this to hurt you even more but so that you might understand. His cock is a lot bigger than yours and he is a fabulous lover. I never dreamed that it was possible to be made to feel that way."

There was nothing more to say and we sat in silence for a very long time. Eventually Louise said gently, "We had better be getting back, love. The kids will be wondering what has happened to us."

Without answering I started the engine and drove slowly but steadily back to our home. Jerry was waiting for us sprawled in an armchair. He had placed out charged glasses of whiskey and gin for us and a third glass was by his hand as yet untouched. He stood up as we entered the room saying, "I guess we need to talk. I've got the kids to bed for you and bribed them to make sure we won't be disturbed."

"You unmitigated bastard," I spat out taking a step towards him.

Jerry dropped his hands to his sides. "I know you want to hit me so go on. I'll give you one free pop and with a bit of luck you'll bloody my nose but then I'll overpower you and sit on you until you calm down. I have no intention of using any violence. For one thing it wouldn't be justified but I also don't plan to let you get the law on your side."

"The law will be on my side in this. I want you out of my house," I told him.

"That is understandable but hasn't Louise got a say. Bear in mind that if I leave I might take her with me."

"She'd never leave the kids."

"I wouldn't be sure about that," he smirked.

I looked towards my wife. Tears were pouring down her face as she sobbed, "He'd better stop."

"I don't know how you can do this to me. Doesn't twelve years of friendship count for anything?" I asked him reproachfully.

"It counts for a lot, Toby. Believe me, if we were not friends I would just have taken her away from you and would not be here now trying to come to an arrangement. Can I suggest that we all sit down and talk things through calmly?"

I did sit but only because I would have felt awkward remaining on my feet after Jerry had set an example. "What kind of arrangement?" Merely by asking the question, I was playing his game but needed to know where I stood.

"A simple one," he said. "I want Louise and I have had convincing evidence that my feeling is reciprocated. On the other hand I know that she still loves you, and knowing of your strong affection for your wife it would be unkind to deprive you of her completely. Therefore, the most equitable answer to the situation is that we should share her."

"Share her?" I echoed. The suggestion was preposterous but yet I could see no other easy way to resolve the problem. "How exactly do you mean?"

"She will apportion her time between us - and by that of course I mean bed time. I think that I could fairly claim the lions share of her sexual favours but I won't. Instead I am proposing a fifty-fifty split. The easiest way would be for us to alternate, three nights each. The seventh night Louise could choose or even have a day of rest." Jerry paused at this but while I was still formulating a response, he went on, "This is actually quite amusing. Over the years, how many jokes must I have told you where the punch line is 'Bang goes my day off'?" Again he waited and then said, "What's the matter, Toby, old pal? Lost your sense of humour? You always used to like my funny stories."

"I don't find this situation at all funny."

"Granted but it's hardly a tragedy."

"What you are suggesting doesn't fall far short from my point of view."

"Now that is overstating the case just a trifle, don't you think, Toby? Tell me, how many times a week do you make love to your wife? I don't think that I would be far wrong if I estimated three times at the outside," he said in a slow measured voice. "That need not change. The real question is whether Louise can handle two lusty males instead of just one. Now from my admittedly limited experience with her, I would say that it is well within her capabilities. I would even go further and suggest that you have left her seriously short changed throughout your marriage. We are not animals and I'm sure that neither you nor I would force demands on her if she did find that it was rather too much. You will have to come up with some very convincing reason to make me withdraw from the equation."

"You can't just waltz in here and expect me to agree for you to suddenly be part of the family."

"I don't want to be part of your family in fact I will try to impact on your normal life as little as possible. Your kids will see me around a bit more but not that much compared to my visits here as an invited guest. I will only be here to claim my share of the night-time pleasures and if Louise will extend her hospitality to provide the occasional meal then so much the better. I will of course kick in my portion of household expenses. Louise will simply sleep in your bed one night and my bed the next. It is as simple at that. What do you say?"

"I don't like the thought of Louise emerging from your room in the morning and being seen by the children," I said. I was only putting up the objection as a delaying tactic and by no means agreeing to the deal.

"I have already thought of that," Jerry said smugly. "If you remove the airing cupboard in the en suite bathroom and knock a door through into my room, Louise can zip between us to her heart's content without David and Claire being any the wiser. I can arrange for it to be done and pay for the work too. It shouldn't take longer than a day. Do you agree?"

There was nothing more that I could think of to say so in desperation I turned to my wife and asked, "What do you say?"

"It sounds very fair," she said. "Please say Yes."

It anybody had told me only a week before that I would sit drinking in my own home and agree to share my beloved wife's body with another man I would have said they were mad. Unable to make my throat work, I nodded.

Jerry visibly relaxed. "There is just one other small thing that we ought to agree. I have been thinking about holidays. I'm fine about you two going away together on the family holiday that you have already got booked but I think that I am entitled to some prime time relaxation with Louise as well. I want to take her away for a week some other time. If it is at half term, I'm happy for your children to come as well but in view of the perception problem that you have already brought up, it might be better if you could make other arrangements. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Davina wasn't more than happy to help you out there - she might even offer a little intimate consolation. She always has had a big soft spot for you."

"Yes, I agree," I told him.

Jerry finished his drink, put the empty glass down and said briskly, "As for tonight I think it only fair that you should start off in pole position. You may have guessed that I rather pre-empted this agreement so we will take it that I have already had my first turn. At this moment, l intend to drive round to my old home and see if the fair Davina can be persuaded to let me have some clothes and toiletries. Whether-or-not, I shall be back late but don't feel that you have to wait up."