Mom's Big Bed Ch. 09

The van pulled into the mall fifteen minutes later. We got a parking space close to the mall doors and my posse of four MILFs and a GILF ushered me in through the glass entrance, down past the food court, down passed the herbal home remedy shop, down past the pet store, down past "Young-Miss" clothes store around the corner from the tuxedo and crappy leisure suit store. A minute later I was sitting in Antoine's chair.

The dude chatted up my mom and Aunt Sharon while he worked on me shaking his head. He looked at my mom and then looked back at me. He kept shaking his head and then he said to Aunt Sharon,

"So honey, you realize you got him in my chair just in time. I was thinking of closing early. Saturday night you know! You also understand that this long shit where you can't see the dudes eyes went out with ripped jeans and grunge music?" He said this more to me than to mom and Aunt Sharon who were both nodding like they already knew. He asked Mom what was the occasion, she said matter of factly,

"It's a date." Antoine looked at her sideways and then looked at me and asked me,

"So what kind of look are we going for?"

"Urban and a little bit Euro!" Sharon interrupted knowing I wouldn't have a clue. Mom nodded her head, one hand upon her hip.

"Definitely," Mom said agreeing with her sister, "he'll want to give the impression that he has been around the block more than once and that he knows which end of the chopstick goes in the Sushi." Antoine thought for a second what she said and then laughed to himself as he got the joke.

"Your Mom is a bad, bad girl!" he commented to me while he was clipping away at my hair giving me separation trauma as I saw bits of my hair falling away onto the floor.

"Oh he's not my son!" Mom said. Antoine and I both looked at her in one of those sitcom "HUNH?" kind of looks. All we needed was a laugh track and commercial breaks every eight minutes. She continued,

"What? We can't fix my little "stress relief" up the way MAMA wants?" Again, the "HUNH?" look hit her in the face from the hair dresser. He went back to cutting my hair and asked me, "Where did you meet HER?"

"Uh," I thought for a second, "I clean her pool and do her yard-work." Which was true, I did clean the pool and work around the yard as part of my chores at home.

"He cleaned out my backyard today!" chimed in my Aunt Sharon who was popping her gum. I saw him nod in the mirror he suddenly understood and all the pieces were falling into place. With Aunt Sharon it was a half-truth. I had actually reamed out her backdoor and nailed her front porch but- why split hairs, especially when they were being cut anyway?

"So which one of you ladies in this act is the sugar momma?" he asked. Both ladies raised their hands. He shook his head again.

"I take it there are no husbands to worry about?" he asked. He was prying now and digging for a little more juice.

"I am widowed and my daughter is away at college. Empty nest."

"And you know I am d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d Antoine," Sharon squeaked and popped her gum over and over. She leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek to her old friend. Antoine nodded as all the numbers and math now added up and made horribly funny sense. Maybe too much sense! He looked at her and asked,

"So you and your sister?.....Ummm honey..."

"Share?" said Sharon like she was helping him pick the most delicate and yet accurate word to ask. She nodded, popping her gum. Now all the facts and figures on the balance sheet told the story. He knew Sharon from way back when she cut hair and stripped so he knew she was capable of .....and well...it wasn't like he seemed too shocked!

"A pool boy and landscaper with game. Lucky fucking shit!" He finished up in about twenty minutes (shaking his head the whole time and laughing to himself). As I was checking out my new shorter hairstyle and wondering what part of Europe was it ok to look like this, the rest of the tribe walked up to see how we were coming along. It was like a barnyard full of cackling hens or honking geese got together to get loud as hell in the hair studio. Aunt Maria walked up with her biker jacket, her short short short dress and her fuck-the-shit-out –of-me boots and went wild when she saw me,

"HOLY SHIT HE IS HOTTER THAN BEFORE!" she said attempting to touch my shorter hairstyle. Antoine slapped her hand away and said,

"No no no – hon! That took a lot of effort to make him look like that. NO TOUCHY TOUCHY! Besides his sugar mommies will probably want to mess it up later!"

"Oh I think we will all get a chance to mess it up!" said Aunt Becky in her high heels and red club dress that showed off her "junk in the trunk" bootylicious badonk a'donk ass.

"Yes he worked so hard by the pool for me today!" said Maria who kissed me hard in the chair.

"And me," said Aunt Becky nodding her head emphatically.

"And me!" said Grandma!

Right about now Antoine was so quiet you could hear a hairpin drop as he tore up that mental balance sheet and did the "HUNH?" look again. Right about now a television audience would have been howling with laughter! If I ever get away from writing porno films I have hilarious material for a sitcom, it just couldn't come on before ten at night in most states!

"They all have pools!" said Mom to Antoine as she paid him.

"Not me," said Grandma, "I don't have a pool. I have a teepee with a huge yard and my pool is really a rain-barrel." Antoine started counting the money out and shaking his head as he tried to do the new math in his head. He looked at me and said,

"I just cut hair. I don't judge. Whatever it is kid,.....bottle it and sell it. You'll make millions!" We left laughing as Antoine started to sweep up his shop and Sharon waved back to him before turning to catch up with us, doing her bimbo walk in her short yellow dress and her yellow crazy-high heels.

"Next stop menswear!" announced Aunt Becky.

"But American Eagle outfitters is THAT way! What gives?" I asked pointing back to where we had just came from.

"Honey!" said Aunt Maria, " I am going to forget the fact that you just said that because we had great sex today but I just want to tell you.....you need to stop being such a complete BOY-TARD! We just got you a haircut that will get you laid by most women where we are going. We have to do something about those clothes!"

"Let us do the thinking and the dressing!" said Sharon taking me by the hand and leading us all into a store. Sharon and Maria seemed to know EXACTLY where they were going because I was whisked in like I was U.S. President with a posse of female Secret Service around me in high heels clacking on the floor and short dresses covering their asses. If you can imagine the President's bodyguard service being a bunch of MILFs and a GILF, which was exactly what it looked and felt like! Maria was now up ahead of the posse leading the way ...all she needed was an earpiece and an Uzi submachine gun. She turned a couple of times to look back at us and then she looked ahead until she found who and what she was looking for shouting back to Sharon,

"This way, its here!"

"I know," answered Sharon who hadn't let go of me, "I know the girls who work here too!"- and she did! One of them she knew PARTICULARY well apparently!

We walked to the edge of the clothing store up to a section that had men's apparel in all colors of the spectrum and we were greeted by a squeal from over by the dressing rooms as somebody recognized Maria and Sharon. A second later a tall Asian girl came running up to Maria doing the Hollywood hug n' cheek kiss thing and then Sharon dropped my arm and shot forward to do the same thing with the girl. I took a closer look as they were hugging and doing the "MUAH, MUAH, Darling" cheek pecks and saw that the girl looked exacly like the Thai delivery girl. Sharon turned back and introduced me to her,

"Ian Sweetie, this is Mimi," she said, "her twin sister Margaret brought us Thai food, and now she is going to dress you to absolutely KILL, SLAY, MAIM, AND BREAK HEARTS!"

"Who's is he?" she asked.

"Boy toy," Maria interrupted, "we are dressing him for a bit of partying tonight!"

"Oh shit yeah," Mimi remembered, "Margaret shot me a text a little while ago. Ok, y'know we will be there right? So again, which one of you is the sugar momma?"

"Well," said Maria pointing to Mom who was standing behind me with an arm over my shoulder rubbing my chest through my shirt while she playfully kissed my neck and raised her hand, "that one there devouring him for dessert discovered him, and today she has been ....um sharing?" Mimi nodded in an "Aha moment" as Maria went on,

"So if we wanted to continue having a bite of that sandwich we each agreed to pitch in and play dress up!"

"All you sisters and your mom too hitting the same boy! Holy shit Stiffler's Mom times five!" she donkey-honk laughed at her own joke and her boobs (just as big as her twin sisters, did a nice dance for me). She had said she was going to be there? There? Holy shit, I had to keep calm and not blow it because not one, but TWO hot Vietnamese twins of boob-fetish porno caliber were going to be at ....um...wherever this place was that Mom and the rest of the circle of hens kept talking about! I had to not DO or SAY anything stupid. I just smiled.

"Aw," Mimi said, "he's shy! That is so hot! Hey I have seen you guys rob the cradle before, but not all the same one! How old is he anyway?"

"Eighteen," I answered politely, again smiling but not too much.

"Really," she answered, "so what do you do for these ladies?"

"Mostly I do stuff around the pool," I said but then I pointed to my mom, "I also help her with her workouts." This wasn't a lie. I heard that if you bullshit people, sometimes little micro expressions give away the fact that you are lying. This way I wasn't giving things away too much!

"You guys are all gangbanging the pool boy and her workout coach? O-M-G, you chicks are ssooo off the hook! I ssooooo want to be like you all when I am your age!" Normally women would have taken offense at what Mimi said with the – when I am your age comment but these girls just laughed and Grandma commented,

"When you are our age, ...just keep up on the latest video games and cartoon characters so you have something to talk about while you feed em' cookies. Feed em' cookies and free pizza and young fellahs will make your teeth rattle all night long honey!" Grandma gave my ass a slap and ran a hand down my shirt with Mom's other hand while the group of MILF-wenches all cackled and cat-called. They were all having too much fun with this I could tell. Mimi laughed an joked right along with it and then said,

"Ok so Petra you found him,...how you want to dress him?" She already found a tape measure and was getting ready for whatever Mom requested.

"See his haircut?" Mom commented, "Antoine got him all Euro-ed up at the hair studio just now; I want something sophisticated to put on his back, his ass, and his feet to go with THAT haircut! I would like to get off a plane at the Cannes film festival and not worry about – does he look good or is he way too formal, I would want to be able to take him out to an Ibiza nightclub or go to a Caberet in Berlin. Nice, sophisticated, but not too tuxedo formal – he has to look like he knows how to have a good time!"

"Got it," Mimi chimed back at her as she turned back to the other ladies working in the store " GIRLS! I gotta CODE RED! -STRAIGHT WHITE GUY NEEDS UPSCALE SOPHISTICATION! Sugar Momma wants this Junior Beefcake Piece of Ass to look ready for a night out! He's got to make em' NOT think he has never been any place and that he knows which end of the glass the ABSYNTHE goes in!" The store girls laughed and flew into action while one girl brought cups of coffee to my Mom, my aunts and grandmother.

I was getting measured, pulled, and prodded. I felt like a prize 4H exhibit at the county fair! There was a flurry of focused laughing nervous energy around me as I was whisked back into a dressing room and then out for either head nods by my posse of mature critics or headshakes before I was whisked back again into the mirrored chamber to change into something else. Over a period of about forty five minutes the ladies and the girls at the store built a set of clothes around my haircut. When I finally emerged (complete with a set of snake skin boots on my feet that one of the girls had chosen for me), and I stood before Mom, my aunts, and Grandma wearing more black silk than a hearse and a set of red twill pants that looked like I had mugged a hipster; I heard stunned silence! The jaws of all the ladies of my family fell down through the floor into the shoe department, then the group gasped and whistled! Mimi and the girls next to her took a bow as they were met with a heart-felt round of applause! Mom walked up and gave me one more thing from the jewelry counter.....a chromed-out watch that looked like the airspeed indicator on a jet fighter.

"Take of that running watch and put it in my purse, this goes better with that ensemble. It also matches that ring on your hand!"

"It does!" agreed Mimi, "It absolutely does! No definitely swap out watches but also don't let anything happen to that ring! It so goes with everything else," she said.

"Yes," agreed Mom making eye contact, "it DOES!" She gave me a kiss right there in the store in a fashion that said she was now taking her little bit of arm candy out for some fun!

"Any chance I can measure that inseam of his again?" asked Mimi while the girls behind her giggled.

"You'll have more than enough chances to do that later tonight!" answered Aunt Sharon. Again another explosion of laughter rose from the women as Mom and the aunts and Grandma "split the bill" with credit cards at the register. I was now.....BOUGHT. It didn't really feel that bad.

"See you tonight?" Mimi asked me as she handed the ladies their receipts.

"Sure!" I answered. I was certain I had to work on saying things but SURE was harmless enough and didn't make me sound like a dork. I also remembered to smile...not too much and not too little!

I was now taken away by my Presidential pussy posse, my old clothes socks and shoes (and underwear) all in a shopping bag. We waved back at the girls in the store who were still laughing and celebrating after the $ales commi$$ion that they had just $cored! I even saw a little volleyball style high fives being passed around – complete with slaps on their butts as they said, GOOD GAME! GOOD GAME!

We filed back into Aunt Sharon's "cackle wagon" as we dubbed it. It was now dark and the sun was just a glow out on the horizon. Night was here; time to do whatever it was that we were going to do! I sat in the second row of seats in the minivan between Mom and Aunt Maria. They were all chatting and yacking up a storm about my "development". It was quite the loud merry band of "sisters" I was sitting in the midst of as we roared on down the road with Sharon at the wheel to our next destination, that being Christies Cabaret!

Grandma opened up a bottle of Tequila in the back seat and was passing around shot glasses as we bounced down the road. When be pulled into Christies, the last of the shots was being passed up; that being given to the driver -my crazy Aunt Sharon. She downed her shot before she shut the engine off! I could tell this was going to be one hell of a night! Again, I was given the Presidential treatment and whisked from "Mini-Van One" across the parking lot with my posse of "Secret Split-tail Service" agents and brought up to the front door. At the door, the bouncer gave me a look like, "Yeah right," but he recognized the ladies. He opened the door for us and we hit the cover desk where my drivers license showed I was eighteen. I got a stamp on my hand and was told I couldn't drink by the head bouncer and then they made us sign in at a book at the desk which was all new and strange to me. Mom and Grandma were a little punchy from doing three Tequila shots where the others and myself had knocked back only one. Mom signed her name "Willie Makeit" and Grandma signed hers "Betty Wont". Afterwards they laughed at their little joke like it was so funny and original although it was kinda lame.

Anyhow, a lady whom I assumed was the manager or assistant manager came up to the desk and recognized my mom and the rest of the posse. Mom and Sharon had danced there of course but the whole group was absolutely INFAMOUS for their time spent in the place just partying and groping the strippers. The lady introduced herself to me as Monika and asked who I was. Mom said she and the rest of the group had finally robbed a cradle while my aunts and grandma cackled and laughed. Monika looked in the book and saw I had signed in as eighteen so I wasn't TOO young but she then made a joke standing next to my Aunt Maria saying I needed to at least come up to her chin as there was a "height requirement" on that ride! Maria punched Monika in the arm and the two did a quick "attention getter makeout kiss" forcing couple of old-dude farts inside the club to turn and look before they then turned away as the ladies made eye contact with them and giggled.

Monika asked us if we wanted a booth and Mom said definatley, because this was my first strip club experience and she wanted to "break me in special!" Monika led us to a booth and topless waitress took our drink orders. Naturally, with me and my stamped-hand, I had a coke to nurse while Mom and Sharon used their ex-stripper status with the place to get special drinks and special prices for them and the "Posse". I sat in between Mom and Sharon in the booth and watched as the act on the stage switched up.

Up on the stage was a Mexican stripper introduced as "Carlotta Piñatas." She had a set of runaway-enormous fake boobs so her stage- name was appropriate! I could easily see me swinging the stick between my legs at them while wearing a blindfold! The girl who had just swapped out on the stage with her was "Holly Peño" who looked Mexican American and with a nice rack and a nice heart-shaped rear. She walked off the stage, came straight to our booth and hugged Sharon and then passed out hugs and kisses to the rest in the group. When she got to me she asked,

"Who is he? You guys baby-sitting for somebody tonight?" She let out a Fran Drescher kind of laugh that was so annoying it could break glass! Mom said she and the girls had picked up a boy toy and they wanted to spoil him with a night out after being "so good" for them today! Money from Mom exchanged hands with her and the next thing I knew, I was being pushed back on the booth's cushions for a lap dance. Holly Peño was my first lap dance but not my last! As she bumped and grinded my crotch, Mom kept slapping her ass that was only covered by a little red thong. My mother and her knew each other from previous "girls-night-out" events. They chatted while Holly kept grinding me through the pants.

"So you say this guy does yard and pool work for you?" Holly asked my Mom.

"Among other things!" Grandma interrupted and the aunts all tittered and giggled.

"He's also going to help me spearhead," Mom added, "my website."

"Website?" Holly asked, "You are gonna have a websight? For what?"

"What else?" Mom answered, "PORN! I want to start a porno website and link it up to one he's developing. We expect it's going to make us quite a lot of ca$h!" With Mom's words she had Holly's rapt attention! When the song finished, Holly kept talking and grinding away on my boner, unaware that the time was up – she just kept going and talking about the business concept with Mom and Grandma and my Aunts. She then turned back to me as the second song was ending,