Just Cole And Jen

"So," I asked, "was that what you hoped for?"

"Almost everything," she said, weary but happy. "Thank you, Cole."

"Almost?" I asked. Maybe we could do it again and I could do better.

"Yeah," she said, smiling, rolling over to kiss me. "I was disappointed that I didn't taste your cum. Your cock was so far down my throat that I didn't even know for sure you came, except you stopped moving and how your cock swells up a little right before."

"It does that?" I asked.

"Ah, yup, and it put all that stuff right here," she said, rubbing her stomach. She sighed. "Oh, Cole..."

"You know," I said, "I was begging for you to call me that, earlier, and now it's all you say."

"Don't you know why?" she asked.

"Not really," I said. "Am I stupid? Am I missing something?"

"Just not seeing it like I do," she said. "I crushed on you...I LOVED you for so long, but Brandon always made me call you Mister P. or whatever. He hated it, Kelly too. Now I can call you Cole whenever I want. I like saying it. I'm making up for lost time."

"It's a lot to take in," I admitted.

"I can't believe you were so blind," she said. "I tried to hide it, but everyone else could see it."

We lay there in what was maybe our first uncomfortable silence since we first saw each other the day before.

"Well, it's still super early," I said, finally, "Let's get up and get showers - separately, so you don't kill me - and we'll have them bring us some clean sheets. Then we'll catch a few before we wake up and decide what's next."

"I think we both know what's next," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "But I'm a little disappointed. I'll do what you want, but a shower with me is not to be missed."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

To answer, she stood up and lifted one leg all the way up until it was stretched straight past her head in a classic contortionist's pose.

"Okay," I said, weakly. "I wasn't kidding, I think you really would kill me. You first."

While she steamed up the place, I called down to the desk. A bleary voice promised instant bedding, which I appreciated. It arrived in a surprisingly short time. After I made the bed, I looked in and found her still washing her hair.

"Hey, that's cold!" she shrieked in surprise as I yanked the shower curtain aside. "I thought you said you weren't getting in."

"I'm not," I said, "but nothing says I can't watch."

"Well, you're too late," she said smugly, "I've already done all the good parts."

"Do 'em again," I commanded, just jerking her around.

"Really?" she asked. "Okay, whatever you want."

For the next five minutes or so, she made me a believer about her talent level regarding her stripper aspirations. I'd seen shows where the stacked girl takes a bubble bath in a giant champaign glass and always enjoyed them. Jen put all of them to shame. She soaped up her pendulous breasts, using two delicate hands to caress each of them in turn, spending extra time on her nipples. She bent over to show me her ass, pussy and asshole, making sure I was confident everything was squeaky clean.

It was everything I could do not to jump in with her, especially when she arched her body back to rinse her luxurious hair, and I became aware, again, of how tiny her waist was. I'm not sure if I could get my hands around it, but it would be close. For a girl her height and build to have a flat stomach like that, well, it was just inconceivable that everything was real. But it was; I'd touched it, tasted it, watched it develop.

And that was a jarring thought.

I was suddenly quiet as she let herself out of the shower and pushed me in. She seemed to understand, or maybe she just thought I was tired, whatever. I felt her hands massage my shoulders and put shampoo in my hair. Not the hotel shit, either, but something of hers, and not floral. She must have brought it specifically for me.

"What..." I started to ask. "Shampoo?"

"From my bag," she said, turning me to scrub my chest. "You'd be surprised what else is in there."

"Like what?"

"Shhhh..." she said. "Let's get you cleaned up and us into bed. No hanky panky yanky, I promise."

"Okay," I said.

"Later," she said. "Anything you've ever wanted, anything you've ever thought of."

"Okay."

"And you've already changed the sheets, you wonderful man." she said as she pulled me to bed after drying me off. I wasn't sleepy like she seemed to think. I was maybe in shock. I was a zombie as she got me into bed, snuggled close and wrapped her arms and legs around me. She fell asleep almost immediately. Me, not so much. I did finally doze in and out for a while, maybe a long while, I couldn't tell, but I woke up feeling exactly the same way.

What had I done?

I thought back to when I had first met Jen and her family. Our families sat next to each other, eating inedible hot dogs and crushed potato chips, during a Spring Fling Carnival when Brandon and Jen were in fifth grade. I hit it off with Oscar and Rosie immediately, but Kelly had seemed preoccupied with something else. Later on, Oscar and I were roped into manning the bounce house booth and became fast friends. I know the ladies didn't hang out then. Rosie had a passel of little ones to wrangle, and I'm sure, now, that Kelly had no interest in that.

Looking back, I don't know why I was so surprised to learn Jen was into gymnastics. She was a little, brown ball of energy that day, doing handstands and cartwheels all over the place, trying to impress her dad and, I think, Brandon. He was more interested in hanging out with his buddies, but he had to have noticed her.

As I lay next to her and watched this beautiful young thing's chest slowly rise and fall, I realized I couldn't let whatever we had going continue. That joie de vivre that I so admired of hers couldn't be mine. It would probably kill me, but more importantly than that, she needed to find someone she could share it with over a lifetime. I would be old, hell, I would be dead before she would even think about slowing down. I couldn't hold her back like that. Her childish crush was just that, and now that we'd been together, it would fade away and she could find the right person for her. Someone to give her children. She'd be a perfect mother.

It made me sad, though, for several reasons. I hated, hated, HATED women my age. I had allowed myself to heal this last year, but every lady I met seemed to need to heal, too, and none of them recognized that. Maybe I did need to find a younger woman, but with a little less distance between our ages, like ten or fifteen years instead. Maybe Rosie had a younger cousin somewhere.

But younger also meant complicated, and I liked things simple, now. Damn that Kelly! I had so looked forward to kicking back with her in our retirement. It hurt so much to learn she had been checked out for most of our marriage. I never even knew. She was a great actress; I was a pathetic, blind fool. So where did that leave me now?

And worst, absolutely worst of all, is that I think I really did love Jen, or I could very soon, now that it was within the realm of possibility. I could open my heart to her. Our personalities meshed perfectly, they always had. Kelly saw it, Brandon saw it, hell, Jen especially saw it, but I, as usual, had been blind to it. Not exactly blind, really, I just never allowed myself to see that possibility. I truly had been like a little dog to Kelly. I was extremely loyal.

How would it look if I showed up to a company event with Jen on my arm? Wouldn't the women who had let me know they were available - and the women who hadn't - wouldn't they all hate me? Wouldn't every guy there lust after her and judge me, wondering how much finances had to do with our relationship?

And, somewhere along the way, wouldn't some younger, more attractive man cuckold me and take her away from me? It had already happened to me once. I couldn't live with that again. I would die.

"You look sad."

I looked down to see those endless brown eyes, so filled with love and compassion, and now maybe, a little sadness.

"You're getting ready to blow me off, aren't you?" she asked. "You're trying to figure out a nice way to do it, but I'm gone, right?"

"Jen, it's..."

"Cole, it's not like I wasn't expecting this," she said, rolling over so she was laying on half of my chest. "I meant what I said last night; I'm happy you spent this time with me."

"It's been great for me, too, it really has."

"So what's the problem? Is it the age thing?"

"Well..." I stumbled for a second. "Yes, it's that, but it's also everything..."

"Cole," she interrupted. "I'm wondering if I could ask you for another favor."

"Of course," I said, "You know I'll do anything I can for you, just..."

"This one's going to be a lot harder," she said. "It won't be fun like dancing or easy like writing me a check."

"Okay," I said. "What is it?"

"Will you trust me?"

"I do trust you," I said. "I always have."

"No, not like that," she said, sitting up and covering herself with the sheet. "I want you to trust me with your feelings. I know it'll be really hard for you, especially with the year you've had, fuck, the LIFE you've had with that bitch."

"I don't understand," I said, and I meant it. She had me totally confused.

"Like you said, there's a lot going against us," she said, "and I can't argue you into wanting to be with me. You know how I feel already, but if you love me...no, that's too much. If you care for me, even a little bit, please, please tell me, and tell me honestly, what's going on with you.

"I promise you, I promise that I won't judge you. If you thought last night was just for a hot piece of ass, well, I won't like it, honestly, because I thought it was more, but I would appreciate and respect you for being honest with me, I really would. You know I'll listen with an open heart, right?"

I didn't say anything for a long while. How could I possibly do what she was asking?

"And I don't want you to worry about hurting my feelings," she continued in an almost business-like tone. "Look at it this way, if we choose to go our separate ways, we'll probably never see each other again. You have nothing to lose...what have you got to lose, really?"

I pondered it all, and, finally, realized she was right. I did have nothing to lose. I had always considered her the sweetest person in the world. Now was her chance to prove it.

So I told her, told her everything I had been thinking and feeling as I watched her sleep, even the part about wondering about her mom's cousins, which must have hurt. It took a while, and she never interrupted, which was, I'm sure you'll understand, a miracle. When I finally petered out, she looked at me gravely.

"Wow," she said. "You come off so confident, and you're really not like that at all. That sucks."

She must have seen my face fall, - so much for the sweet girl, god, I felt stupid - because she lurched forward and hugged me, burying her face in my chest.

"Cole, no...no. I didn't mean it that way. That came out all wrong."

I was stiff as a board and pushing her away, but she wasn't letting go, not even a little bit. She squeezed herself back into my arms.

"Cole," she said into my chest. "Baby, I have this thing where I blurt out stuff and I haven't thought it through. It's not the complete thought, it's the feeling of the thought, fuck, the worst part of the feeling of the thought, and it always comes out wrong. It happened last night, too. It's my worst thing."

I refused to look at her or say anything. I was feeling betrayed and she knew it.

"What I MEANT to say," she said, "is that you come off all confident when you're hurting so much underneath that, and you have no one you trust enough to share it with. You never did have that with her, but you shared your whole life with her, thinking you did, and then she fucked you over so bad. That's what sucks. Not you."

I suddenly felt better. She did understand.

"So," she smiled up at me, shyly, "Forgive me now?"

"Yeah, sure," I said. "You really had me going there."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know I talk a lot, and sometimes it comes out all wrong."

I kissed the top of her head and she gave me her megawatt smile. We understood each other a little bit more, maybe.

"Now, if it's okay with you, can I address some of these so-called issues?" She was irrepressible. Who was I to argue?

"Have at it," I said.

"Let's do the easy ones first," she said, laying back down and casually draping a sculpted leg over mine. "There is NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE in my family that you're allowed to date. No aunts, no cousins, no nobody, so just get that out of your head right now, mister."

"Okay."

"Fucking right. Okay, so about work..."

She looked at me with an appraising look.

"Look, I don't know anything about where you work, the culture, the politics, anything like that. Hell, I'm not even sure exactly what it is you do."

"Well, I..."

"Don't care," she said, cutting me off. "Oh, I care, but not right now. I care about everything you do, but it's not germane to our discussion right now."

"All right."

"So...I'm going to guess that you're pretty well-liked there. How could you not be?"

"I guess so, just like anybody." I said. "There's people you like and don't like. I'm one of those."

"But people know what you've been through, right?" she asked.

"Yeah, most people have been really nice."

"Most people are nice, Cole, but in any case, it doesn't matter. The only attitude we can have about everything is...fuck 'em."

"Excuse me?"

"Fuck 'em. Seriously. If we're together, I'm not hiding. I'll bring you lunch. I'll come to your work so you can take ME to lunch. I assume there's a Christmas party, right?"

"Sure."

"Right here and now, I promise never to embarrass you at a company event - well, maybe how tight my shorts are at the company picnic - but a Christmas party does imply that I'll be wearing a striking yet tasteful dress that you will purchase for me, right?"

"Right," I said, remembering last night's offering and dreaming about the next one.

"And when those bitches pull me into the bathroom to grill me, I'll just tell them the truth."

"Which is..."

"Silly," she giggled. "That I'm your sex slave and you can have me anytime, anywhere, anyhow, and that it's not about the money, but your huge cock and what you do to me with it."

"Jen..."

"Which IS the truth," she barreled on. "I'll fuck you in a bathroom stall at that party, I'll blow you under your desk at work, anything at all as long as it's just you and me. I won't share you with anyone; man, woman, child, animal, vegetable, mineral, you are all mine, and mine alone."

"So, no threesome, then?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows.

"No," she said, suddenly serious. "I'll never do that, Cole, never, and if that's important to you, well, I'm sorry, but that's a deal breaker for me. I know it's every guy's dream, but..."

"Not mine," I said. "I think I'm dreaming enough just being with you."

"Oh, you do know just what to say, you charmer," she grinned and leaned up to kiss me. It was chaste at first, but soon became more heated. She broke it off, regretfully, for both of us.

"Seriously, Cole," she said. "I know you're worried that people will think you're shallow for being with somebody so young, but really..."

She hesitated.

"Go on," I urged.

"I don't know how to say this without sounding like an asshole."

"So say it," I said, "You asked me to be honest. Trust me now."

"Okay, you're right," she said, licking her lips. "I'm really mature for my age. I'm smarter than most people. Cole, I've been really girly-girly flirty with you this weekend, mostly because I've just been so excited to see you, but also because I really wanted you to notice me."

"You have seemed rather shot out of a cannon," I said, smiling.

"Yeah," she said, smiling back, "and that's me, especially around you because you make me so DAMN happy..."

"But..."

"But, usually, I'm a lot more serious. I won't be some stupid, airhead bimbo around people at your work. I was the salutatorian, for fuck's sake."

"I know," I said. "I was there."

"Yeah," she said darkly. "One stupid semester in Theater Tech where I should have kissed a little more ass...oh well. I seriously could have gone anywhere, I just followed Asshole here and they didn't give me much because it's a state school."

"Of course you could have." I said.

"And when the people at work, or your friends, or MY friends, when they see how we are together, no one will want to judge us. They'll just be jealous."

"Fair enough. Those are the easy ones," I said.

"Right, well, let's talk about the hard ones," she said, and then launched into a terrible story about some sort of fetal condition on her father's side of the family. There was at least a seventy-five percent chance that one of her children would be compromised, and there was no way she'd put anyone through that, especially a child, but also including her or me.

"So, it's not that I can't have them, it's that I won't," she concluded. "I'm going to have my tubes tied as soon as I can."

"But, Jen," I protested. "You love kids. You can adopt or something with the right man, IVF or something."

"Cole," she asked. "Do you know how many nieces and nephews I have? Forty-two and counting, I kid you not. Do you know how much babysitting I've done, with not so much as a by-your-leave, I might add?"

"That's a lot," I said.

"I'm not saying never," she said. "But maybe we talk about it if it does become important. I don't think it will."

"Okay."

"I do love kids," she said, "so how would you feel about picking one or two out of that mob and spoiling them, then returning them when we're sick of them?"

"You really are smart," I smirked.

"You really are a dumbass," she said. "Now, look..."

More hesitating.

"Look," she said again. "I really would like to promise you that the whole young guy thing will never happen, but I just can't."

"You can't," I said, cut to the bone. I guess all this was too good to be true. There was my deal breaker.

"Not like you'd want," she said seriously. "Wait, I see by that horrible look on your face that I said that wrong. No, what I mean is, I can promise you that, and I really mean it, but I don't think you'd ever believe it, not with what you've been through."

"Oh, I see," I said, guardedly.

"Please understand me, Cole," she pleaded. "What could I possibly do to convince you? What would you believe? Brandon said she was fooling around on you for years, off and on. Is that true?"

"Yes," I said, still feeling the humiliation, even now. She was right; I'd never be over it.

"SHE..." Jen paused dramatically, "is a conniving cunt slut." She leaned forward to look me straight in the eye.

"I am not anything like that. I'll never be like that, but how will you be able to tell? She really pulled the wool over your eyes. Who's fault was that?"

"Well, obviously hers." I said.

"No, not obviously," she said. "You're not stupid, you're brilliant, actually, but you let that bitch con you over and over."

"But I trusted her," I protested. "That's why..."

"Yeah, yeah, "Jen sneered. "What really happened is you let her get to the point where she treated you like shit all of the time, and you just took it. Why wouldn't she cheat on you if she didn't respect you?"

"Wow, you don't pull any punches, do you?" I asked, sourly.

"This is the real stuff, Cole," Jen said kindly. "You were too nice, but, really, you were also lazy, weren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know when it happened, but somewhere along the line you decided it was okay for her to be like that. Why was that? It was easier, right?"

"Well, yeah..."

"So that's what happened."

"So that was all my fault?" Now I was pissed.